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"We're having issues." - Blather. Rants. Repeat.
A Møøse once bit my sister ...
"We're having issues."

Today began about as unwell as it possibly could.

Insomnia reigned from 1:30 until 5 this morning; I get this way before major hearings, and today, I was essentially producing and directing the interrogation of the Other Side's witness, after his attorney grilled my side's for close to seven hours on Tuesday.  The dog kept getting up, which alerted the cats, which may or may not have awakened Eleanor for her 4 a.m.-ish bath, and so on.  I surrendered, and fed the little delinquents close to half an hour early, in hopes of getting some sleep before the 10:00 start time; I did, but the alarm came too soon and I had two other files to attend to before I could meet with my client prior to that start time.

Still, as client and I exchanged texts in the 9-9:30 hour, we seemed on track; I'd get there a little before her, with still time to go over some questions beforehand.  Until it came time to pahk the cah.  I picked a ramp right behind the court building where we'd be spending the day, and, to shave a few seconds, I chose to enter through a different entrance than I usually do.

Not good.  For when I got up to the "please take the ticket" machine that then raises the entry gate, the machine uttered, or rather didn't utter, and thus produced the two words you never want to hear when entering a parking garage:

Almost instantly, a queue of cars appeared behind me. I was almost late, couldn't go forward, and couldn't back up.  This is about the essence of suck for me.  Honks were heard; I may have been the most hated man in downtown Buffalo until the Mayor rolled in an hour or so later.

Ultimately, a guy behind me (far enough back to actually READ the sign with the garage's contact information on it) called someone, and a dude appeared to shoo me back to my car and manually write a tickee and raise the gate. "We're having issues," he grunted.

Tell me about it:P

Ultimately, I met up with client and got started relatively on time; it was my turn to make the other side uncomfortable about what we knew and what they didn't want to reveal. After a most-morning remainder of it, I adjourned briefly to handle a prior commitment across the street; as I walked, checking emails and such, I saw my text trail from my own client, confirming when and where I'd be before 10; but she also, during the deposition, was texting her own husband with a play-by-play of the proceeding.  One of those texts got misdirected to me, and wound up making my morning:

That made me feel so much better going through the rest of the ordeal for the rest of the day. I even found myself able to quote the immortal Dan Tullis at one point: he, you may recall, was a marginal actor in a marginal tv show of years gone by, but he's achieved some internet meme fame more recently from being the spokesperson for a heavy-rotation (and bad) radio commercial where he interviews a shill for some insurance company:

So after listening to my opponent's witness prattle on into the mid-afternoon about my own client's general hideousness, I dropped all pretense, put on my best Dan Tullis voice, and said, Can you give me an example?

His price? Three hundred dollars an hour. (For his own lawyer, likely. Mine, for pwning him like that? Priceless:)


No discount on exit for my inconvenience on the way in, but all in all, I'll take how the day turned out.

This entry was originally posted at http://captainsblog.dreamwidth.org/189556.html. Please comment here, or there using OpenID.
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tilia_tomentosa From: tilia_tomentosa Date: February 15th, 2014 02:35 am (UTC) (Link)
You are a hero. :)
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