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In which I direct various Whippersnappers to Get Off My Damn Lawn.... - Blather. Rants. Repeat.
A Møøse once bit my sister ...
In which I direct various Whippersnappers to Get Off My Damn Lawn....
I sent one letter today, and received another, which gave me comfort that the Snark is still strong with this one.

First, the outbound mail.

Within the past year, a television ad campaign caught my eye at the gym. It showed a Rich Uncle Pennybags-type gentleman smiling greedily at the camera, his desk lined with piles of green folding money- and a devil's horns and tail drawn on him in red ink. The tag line was about the medical proficiency of personal injury lawyers- or their lack of it. Better to see a doctor when you're INJURED?, right? And why not call this advertising doctor and his catchy phone number?

He would've gotten no argument from me- I despise my ambulance-chasing (mostly) brethren as much as the next person. The only problem with the ad campaign is that he didn't pay for it- and it was sizable. And I got the case. When my demand was ignored, I sued it and had him served. While I was traveling Friday, his answer came in, from a local lawyer I know a little. Plain vanilla in flavour, and only one real alleged defense, based on an alleged lack of signed documents.

Alas, there's just one problem with his problem: my client HAS signed documents. A remarkable number of them. So before escalating, I thought the personal touch would help, and sent a letter stating thus:

I am enclosing the documents supporting the claim, which include his application for the account, his specific signed agreement concerning the advertisements in question, and a number of emails.

These ads ran extensively; I remember seeing them at the time. They were referred to in the documents as the “devil lawyer” campaign.

These facts plainly invite a summary judgment motion, which I intend to make as soon as my red tail and pitchfork are back from the cleaners, unless we discuss some other form of resolution.

We'll see how THAT goes.


Last week's snark was not as well received. Without getting into the details of the dispute, I can describe it as a fairly standard effort by an insurance company's lawyers to document-demand my client to death.  Before the case was even sued, we'd produced hundreds of pages of documents to their in-house shop.  After I sued, the insurance company regurgitated those documents back, in a single exhibit to their production, referred to in technical terms as a "pile." They then asked me to re-produce the same information all over again, and objected when my "pile" was no more organized than theirs was. 

We took a second crack at it. They objected again. This time, it was too much, and I sent a one-page response back which quoted everybody from Mel Brooks to Antonin Scalia in an effort to stupid-shame them.  Near the end of it, I also invited them to advise me by the end of last week of available dates for conducting a deposition in September, failing which I would pick my own date and proceed to depose the witness whether they showed up or not.

The response to that came today,  exclusively by US Mail. (I'd also emailed mine to their attorneys; apparently "piles" don't travel well that way.) But they forgot to change a date within the response letter which made clear that they had drafted it two days earlier and just sat on it until the end of the time I'd given them to respond. (I didn't wait; the subpoena went out on Friday in my absence and was served over the weekend.)

My opponent was not amused.  In one two-page letter (down from his usual three-plus), I was accused of "hyperbole," "grandstanding," making a "brazen claim," and, insult of insults, lumping him and his tactics in with "insurance guys."  (He did not complain about my referring to his own document production as "higgeldy-piggeldy."  I like to think that double-dactyls are not something insurance companies would pay for him to write.)

I copied the client, insisting that she buy the frame for the letter, which is destined to go on my new office wall.  She panicked a little about whether this would make them mad at her; I reminded her that they already WERE mad at her and that I was just taking one for the team.

Two weeks from Friday should be an interesting day.
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greenquotebook From: greenquotebook Date: September 1st, 2015 05:18 pm (UTC) (Link)

Seems that you have much more fun with insurance companies than I do.
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