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Screwed and sued. - Blather. Rants. Repeat.
A Møøse once bit my sister ...
Screwed and sued.

The last thing we should be talking about right now is NFL football. It is deepindahearta off-season, almost three months since the final play of the 2013 post-season and more than four months before the first regular-season snap in anger of 2014. But no. The National Football League (a non-profit organization, believe it or not) is bound and determined to maintain a top-of-mind media presence every month of the year. So March, a month after the Super Bowl, is the start of free agency. April used to bring the annual draft of collegiate players, but that's been pushed back to get a major media buzz in May; now, the big news of Eastertide is the announcement of the ensuing year's complete schedule.  This had an actual prime-time show on NFL Network last night, but SPOILERS got released on the Bills' website earlier in the evening, so we knew what we now know before airtime:

America hates us.

No Sunday night games. No Monday night games (despite a widely leaked report from a FOX Wisconsin affiliate suggesting that). No nationally televised Thanksgiving game in Detroit (despite a premature post on the team's website weeks ago saying that there would be). Their one mandatory primetime game is a roadie in Miami on a Thursday night. In theory, one or more games after Week Four could be "flexed" onto NBC's Sunday night schedule,  but that would require the team to not suck, something which hasn't happened this century.

So it's another year of mostly 1:00 Sunday games, except a few west-coast contests.  And another year ending with multiple road games and a finale in New England, where the team has never won a game in the Hoodie's new stadium.  As with the end of the just-euthanized Sabres season, I'm leaning toward a forfeit on that one.


They won't do it, though, because the team would likely get sued for not meeting fans' expectations.  Two stories of that ilk surfaced this week.

One, is about the team agreeing to a $3 million class action settlement with fans who had signed up for text messages from One Bills Drive.  Some genius lawyers did intake on such a "fan" who had received thirteen texts in the course of two weeks, and this violated its promise to send only five a week.

The fans in the class  are getting gift cards to the team store. The lawyers are getting over half a mill for their fine legal services. The settlement hearing will be held in prime time on a Sunday night, so nobody from the Bills will be allowed to appear on the air.


Yet that's the old legal Bills news.  The newer filing is by a group of its former cheerleaders, who are alleging that they were overworked, underpaid and seriously demeaned by the team and the Buffalo Jills' management into situations of embarassment and harassment. Among the allegations is that the team penalized cheerleaders who failed something called the "jiggle test," which I cannot even begin to reconcile with New York's adoption of Common Core standards.

Earlier today, the team announced that it is simply shutting down the rah-rahs for the coming season until this lawsuit gets resolved.  In the comments to the local news article announcing that, someone ::koff:: commented about the fine public service offered by local lawyers to the victims of this corporate oppression:

Jiggle too far? Call William Mattar!

That caused another of the regular commenters to spittake his coffee.  Unlike the Bills, my work here is done:)

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