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Wild, Wild Life and Jumping Sharks - Blather. Rants. Repeat.
A Møøse once bit my sister ...
Wild, Wild Life and Jumping Sharks

As expected, the bike ride home was way faster, given that the biggest hill on the way here was now a downhill coast.  I have also apparently made a new friend. The ride's relatively quiet except for the roughly three blocks you have to spend going past and under the 290. That relegates you to the sidewalk, since Sheridan and the butt end of Harlem are death traps for cyclists.  And so it was, just before going under the 290 overpass on the way to the office, I discovered a fat-cheeked woodchuck in the field between the bridge and the westbound off-ramp.  On my return, there he was again. 

You know me- you hang around, you get named. So he's now Wallis the Woodchuck.  As in Duchess of Windsor Wallis. Don't ask me; ask him. Or her.

The local fauna continued in its oddity when I headed out this morning.  There, on Klein Road in East Amherst- not as dense-suburban as our neighborhood but still plenty developed- was a turkey just grazing in front of a house.  I tried to get his picture, but the cars on that stretch are pretty deadly, also.  Then I got to my destination, where the business owner had put a life-size cutout of Donald Drumpf in his showroom.  Ah, I thought, it's a neighborhood theme.


In between, last night, I encountered another life form- for the last time.

Eleanor was out at the Buddhist Center downtown. She'd met one of their members at work, who invited her to try it, and she thought it would be a good idea to see if chanting will bring the spiritual lift that's been lacking in our church.

In other words, the perfect time for me to watch the DVR of Sharknado 4: The Fourth Awakens.  I'd recorded it when it aired on the Skiffy two Sundays ago, but was, you know, a little absent for most of the ensuing week.  So I figured, why not?

Let me count the why nots.

I'll try not to spoil the specifics (at least one friend is planning on a "hate watch" of it with his kid), but this predator's fifteen minutes of chum are up as far as I'm concerned.  The first one, which I never saw except snippets, was just stupid and outrageous enough to become a Thing.  The first sequel was the one I did see, and it had the right formula to work, I thought: they brought in Robert Hays from Airplane! and riffed on that film's own absurdly so-bad-its-funny story to get laughs. Plus, Wil Wheaton, bunches of Jaws homages, and scenes at Citi Field.

The third I never saw or heard much about, but this one is just scattershark.  The only thing I'll spoil is the thing that wasn't there to be spoiled: despite the clever title's Star Wars reference, you get the parody of the opening-crawl at the beginning, one sight gag in the middle and, far as I could see (and I was fast-forwarding a lot at the end), nothing else. There was no original humor in any of the references; every time they homaged a past film, or tv series, or place (and they were literally all over the place with all of these), you could see the sight gag coming or quote the line before it ever appeared onscreen.

Likewise, the casting call just seemed to have involved a trip to the Hollywood Washed-Up Actors' Home. Seeing a former Best Actor Oscar nominee reduced to mad scientist was sad. Having to listen to Gilbert Gottfried's voice for more than 10 seconds was torture. The rest of the cast is mostly former supermodels and 70s show stars- except for NBComcast (which owns Syfy) pimping out Al Roker and Natalie Morales and putting the Today logo at peril for being associated with this crap.

What they did with Tara Reid's character was probably the best the film had to offer, but that's not saying much.  I never made it to the final chomp, but I've heard there's a final-scene preview to where the next Sharknado will take place.

Please, Syfy. Take the Fifth. And shove it.

3 comments or Leave a comment
thanatos_kalos From: thanatos_kalos Date: August 9th, 2016 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
I haven't seen either 3 or 4 (I was away for 3 and busy for 4) but the first 2 Sharknados are vastly improved by Rifftrax. They have the live riffs available on their site. I'm sure they'll do 3 and 4 as well.
captainsblog From: captainsblog Date: August 9th, 2016 11:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm still pissed at them for not continuing after their riff of the first Hunger Games.
thanatos_kalos From: thanatos_kalos Date: August 10th, 2016 12:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure they will eventually!
3 comments or Leave a comment