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17 Years You Can't Say on Television.... - Blather. Rants. Repeat.
A Møøse once bit my sister ...
17 Years You Can't Say on Television....
After listening to some, watching some, eventually reading some about the latest Bills debacle of a defeat against They Who Must Not Be Named, it finally occurred to me why this is such a twice-annual fool's errand.  With apologies (and full credit) to George Carlin, who laid out the essential generic differences between football and baseball, I now explain the Differences Between Bills and Patriots.  It helps if you read this in a Carlinesque voice, so go as hippy-dippy as you can.

The Patriots play in a STADIUM, named for a razor. The Bills play on a Field, named for a cap!

The Bills give up on many of their young players, trading them for nothing or letting them be signed or even stolen by other teams, and watch them blossom in their new homes. The Patriots identify and sign young players, many of them from the Bills, and make them blossom.

The Patriots instinctively know when a player is nearing the end of his effective career, and mercilessly cut established stars just in time to groom the “next man up.“ The Bills overpay unproven or traded-for players, leaving them in salary cap jail and eventually forcing them to cut or trade them for no value and adding a buttload of dead money cap.  Hey, maybe that's why they play on a field named for a cap!

When a Bills cornerback legally defends a pass and then accidentally falls over the receiver, the Bills player is flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. When a Patriots player viciously and deliberately hits a Bills cornerback after he intercepted a pass, not only is the Patriot not ejected for it, he later apologizes and says it was because he felt "frustration" in a game he was only leading in by two touchdowns in its final moments.

And finally, the object of the two teams games couldn’t be more different. The Patriots, led by a field general who whines and cheats and yet somehow makes every conceivable play, marches his squad down the field, torturing the opponent with endless weapons, runs up the score, shows no mercy, and is the essence of smugness. For the Bills, in January at least, the object of the game is just to go home! This entry was originally posted at https://captainsblog.dreamwidth.org/1508208.html. Please comment here, or there using OpenID.
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